Goodbye 2017… Hello 2018

Last day of the year is a time to reflect about the years that is ending. So many good things happened but we tend to hold on to the negative events.  Guess that for me what mostly stood out was dad’s passing, which pretty much hides all the good things.

Even though we know that everyone will eventually pass away, it is still a difficult event to accept. Why is that? Is it because we are selfish? Is it because we think that we can beat the laws of Nature, the laws of God? Do we believe that we can live forever and ever like in the fairytales?

We know the answer to these questions and the simple answer is that one day or another we will all pass.

2017 was a very hard year, especially here in Brazil. After the coup, jobs have been lost; prices have gone up, not to mention inflation, which is not mentioned by the way.

Isn’t great that we get an opportunity to hope for the best with the start of a new year? Can you imagine how life would be horrible if we didn’t have this end and start? Humans need this sense of hope. New Year’s Eve can be compared to celebrating a birthday. It’s a personal new chance to make a difference and look forward to what is to come.

The New Year begins tonight. May we live intensely every moment with peace and hope, for life is a gift and every moment is a blessing from God.

Happy 2018 to all of my readers.

Thank you for reading!

Written: December 31, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

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The Day Good Beat Evil

After a year or more of

dictatorship,

fear ,

no democracy,

no greetings,

shrieks,

tension,

stress,

tears,

sweat,

but no blood

justice came through.

The community came together

from the lowest

to the highest

with questions that could not be answered,

in peace,

with applause,

with tears –

sad tears.

It took a few hours, but the fall came.

The fall was hard;

like a tree after the lumberjack yells

T I M B E R!!!!

The fall was just.

Good had won

with applause,

with tears-

joyful tears.

A memorable day!

Written : December  15,2017 Todos os direitos a Meire Marion

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Life Is Amazing

On a rainy Friday night on the way to watch the musical Singing in the Rain, in the cab you start chatting about how bad the weather is. When you first got in the cab you noticed that the driver looked familiar. But then again since you usually take a cab when you go to the theater, he could have driven you on one of those outings.

Drive and stop. Drive and stop. Finally you put down your cell phone and ask the driver if he thinks it´ll be long before we get to the theater. Although you have been there before, you try hard to recall the distance but to no avail.

Enough talking about the traffic and the rain and how crazy people drive on this day and in this kind of weather, so, you ask a few questions because he does look so familiar and you want to find out where you know him from without coming flat out and saying it. Questions like where his stop is, if he lives in the area, how long he has been a taxi driver and so on.

It just so happens that before he was a taxi driver back in 1982 he was a bus collector (in Brazil it is not the driver who receives the money, it is another person.)

Bingo! You know where you have seen him before. Then you asked if he worked the 325 line and wide eyed he says yes and asks how you knew that. Then you tell him that you used to take that line to go to work every morning for a whole year in 1982. Suddenly he says that he thought I looked familiar. He adds that he only worked that line that year. He is perhaps more amazed than you are.

36 years later and life makes your paths cross again. What is life´s intention in doing this? 

Written December 7, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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The Message

Fred wasn´t a religious man though he was born and raised in a Catholic Family. He had a good life, a well-paid job, friends, few but loyal and he lived life pretty happily.

He lived in a small town where everyone pretty much knew each other. He had always lived there born and raised in a small house near the Baptist Church.

 Every Sunday morning he would sit on his porch and watch those well –dressed people walk by with their Bibles in hand and wondered what made those people waste their Sunday morning in a small building singing and yelling Amen and Halleluiah.

Time went by and Fred´s life stayed the same. Perhaps the only difference now was that his parents had passed away and he lived alone in the small house near the Baptist Church; he had bought himself a motorcycle but wasn´t living such a happy life anymore. He felt empty.

Still on Sunday mornings he would sit on his porch and contemplate as the churchgoers went along to the service with smiles on their faces and each and every one of them greeted him with a warm “Good morning, sir”.

As they did that he felt that he wanted that too. He wanted to feel as well as they felt. Could they be getting that from church? Maybe he had just stayed in a staggered position, same job, parents passed; he never married, but had money.

 While he was caught in his thoughts and elderly woman came up to his porch, took his hand and said “ I have  a message for you.”

“For me? Who from?”

“God.”

“ Really? “ he laughed.

“ God asked me to tell you that He is going to spare your life so you may enjoy life to its fullest as you have so much desired. Have a good day young man.”  And off she went to church.

Fred sat there in awe. How did this woman know what he desired? God sent him a message? He had seen her walk past his home several Sunday mornings and only today she decided to stop over and talk to him? All these questions were making him crazy so he decided to go for a motorcycle ride.

He rode for a good thirty minutes feeling the cold breeze on his face. It felt good to be free and just in control. He decided to go to the next town closest to his. There he could grab some lunch and then go back home and watch a movie on TV.

He stopped at a red light but when the light turned green as he started to ride the motor turned off. He tried to turn it on again and nothing. It wouldn´t budge. All of a sudden from nowhere a car ran through the red light. It was at an extremely high speed. It was being followed by a police car.

Fred suddenly remembered what the little old lady told him earlier that day. He fell to his knees and thanked God for this blessing.

Written:  November 7, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

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Painful Truth

Sorrow today.

Tomorrow new Day.

The ones you love the most hurt you the most, in turn ruining your health.

Today you may be a nobody, lacking wealth.

Though when fame and fortune both come knocking at your door, the ones you love the most will be there to praise and boast about you.

Nothing like a good night’s sleep and a brand new day.

Written November 4, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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LOVE IS LOVE

Lately there has been a lot of hoopla in Brazil about a law that was passed where people who are homosexuals can be psychologically treated as to cure them. (That’s what the media printed, but when you go and read the law it states that they have the right to be treated without connecting it to a cure.)

The first thought that came into my mind was: how can there be a cure or treatment for something that is not a disease? It makes no sense to me why the government does all of this instead of using their time and power to work on improving education, health and safety.

People are people and everyone is entitled to psychological treatment if they wish to undergo a treatment or any kind of treatment for that matter. I have no doubt that a true professional will not turn away a person who wants to discuss any turmoil that they may be going through and confidentiality is a respected part of psychology's code of ethics. (I feel comfortable talking about private and revealing information, or about anything I'd like with my psychologist, without fear of that information leaving the room.)

On the other hand, by passing a law like this you are opening the doors for cons to come up with miracle remedies to cure homosexuals and parents who are against this will pay any price to make their children “normal” . ( Once again, how can there be a cure for something that is not a disease?)

The more I read about it the more enraged I got. After some time, the media said that the law was passed by someone who was a Christian. Then people on social media started attacking Christians. I started questioning why the media made it a point to mention that therefore, connecting governmental issues to religious beliefs.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a Christian is defined as one who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ.

From what I have studied about Jesus Christ is that He is not someone who segregates but someone who is there for anyone who reaches out to Him.  (I use the present tense here because I am a Christian and I believe in the Holy Trinity and that Jesus is alive.) In John 13: 34 Jesus says "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Love one another as I have loved you, such a simple idea. Why is it so hard for people to do that? There are many forms of showing love and respect is one of them. We do not need to agree with everyone (life would be boring if we did) but we should respect everyone despite their belief, race, sexual orientation, body shape, age, social class etc. etc. etc.

So LOVE one another. Let people love. Live and let live.

Written September 22, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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Doctors, how come all your effort is just not good enough for some of them?

Lately I have been questioning how much we can do to have a healthy life. When we are young we are not taught, well at least I wasn´t, what is good for us in terms of health and exercise. What foods to eat and what foods to avoid. Even if you are taught, does your family put it into practice? ( Mine never did.) Deep down inside I have been questioning all this paranoia of eating and exercising correctly so that you can have a healthy life. I am using the word paranoia because it does take over your life and turn your world upside down.  Maybe my thoughts are all jumbled up here. Let me try to simplify my ideas and give you some examples.

You go to an endocrinologist who turns to you after you have just gotten rid of 12 kilos and this doctor says very boldly “ You are obese”.  And repeats it to you three times and each time the tone of voice is louder. Then the inner voice that lives inside your head and drives you mas yells: Like, hey doc which part of the 12 kilos gone did you not hear? Aren´t I on the road to losing all the extra kilos?  Cut me some slack here.

Then some time later you go to a nutritionist recommended by the doctor above and also says the same thing. No congratulations on your weight loss, just a “you are obese”. Once again, frustration hits you. The nutritionist has the audacity to ask you what a comfortable weight is for you. You tell the truth and it almost knocks the doctor out of his chair. The truth being: my weight now. Horrified the nutritionist says in a high pitch “ No, no, no, thirty kilos have got to go.”  

Did these doctors care about the sugar level in the blood? No. Did they care that the lab tests came back fine? No. Did they care that during this period a loved one passed away? No way. Did they realize that now in your 50´s it is much harder to lose the weight? Are they aware of the issues involved when you have hit menopause?

You leave the office with a horrible feeling. It seems like what you are doing is wrong.

At lunch time you share these experiences with your co-workers and they are aghast, with the best intentions they try to comfort you and give you other suggestions. So one fo them tells you about a naturalist doctor who works with herbs and food.

Having given the idea of a new doctor, you call and make an appointment. His consultation is not cheap but it lasts over an hour and you leave with the sensation that he really heard what you said. He gives you a list of recommendations and he emphasizes that if it does not work out it is YOUR fault. Hey, ok you at an age that you are aware of your responsibilities. Nonetheless, it is a light at the end of the tunnel.

After a month, you go back to the naturalist doctor, who you later find out is a Shaman. (Pretty cool). Then you tell him what worked out and what didn´t work out. Once again the consultation last two hours. But you notice that something has changed. When you tell him that you have been walking every day for one hour, he turns and says “ Perhaps you could try to go to a gym or some water sport.” Yeah , right. Again, isn´t walking every day for an hour a great accomplishment that deserves to be praised?

For some doctors, what we are doing to make our lives more pleasant and a bit easier doesn´t really matter. Ever since I have started talking to people about these experiences more and more people have reported that they are under the same impression.

Perhaps, when I say praise it might sound like a person who is needy. Maybe it is. But nonetheless, life is filled with stress and people are doing their best to do better. It has made me think of the fact that we are all going to die one day. No one lives forever. Instead of living, are we only worrying about how to prolong life? This brings to mind how the elderly are treated in most countries. (That will probably be another post).

In the meantime, my inner voice is telling me to just keep doing my best and enjoy each day as if it were my last, because in the end, it really could be.

Written: August 16, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

 

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The First Father’s Day without Father

Guess that when you lose a loved one, especially one of your parent’s; it takes time and courage to get through “the first” after the passing. In my case, my father.

The first time going to mom and dad’s house and dad is not there. This is perhaps the hardest step to take. You walk in the door and automatically say “hi dad”, but his favorite seat is empty. The second time around you might repeat the action but eventually you get used to seeing the empty seat.

The first Sunday family lunch and dad is not there. The whole family gets together for a BBQ and dad is not there to tell his repeated jokes and sit by your side.

The first vacation trip and dad is not there. You try to enjoy yourself but you keep thinking how much dad would enjoy being there.

The first time you celebrate your birthday without getting a hug from dad.

Dad’s birthday knowing that dad will not be there.

And the first Father’s Day without dad. Father’s Day will be celebrated in Brazil this coming Sunday, August 13, 2017; it’ll be 6 months that dad passed on the day before. When I watch all the TV commercials about Father’s Day, I catch myself thinking: He’s not here anymore. 

It is a bitter sweet feeling because I know he is where he should be, but this day has lost its magic for me. I am starting to feel like a fish out of the water.

Written August 11,2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

Dad 2012

Being Single with Cats

Today I heard on a radio program, as I was driving to work, that  women who do not get married end up being old hags who breed cats. I was horrified at the quote. Lucky for me that traffic was moving as slow as a tortoise otherwise for sure I would have crashed my car. Dramatic here, I guess. But I actually looked at the radio and said “What?” in a loud voice.

I guess that the statement was horrifying because the speaker was describing me. Not that I breed cats but do have a quite happy life not married and with my two cats; or perhaps it was horrifying because one would think that people can live their lives as they wish; with a family, without a family, with pets or without them in 2017 without being judged or labeled.

Maybe there are some people who are born not to be in a serious relationship forever. It is not something that I constantly think about. But it does cross my mind every once in a while. Not that I have anything against marriage. Been there and done that. It is just that being in a relationship just to show society that you are following its rules makes no sense to me.

There are some people that are born into families where they are brought up to be spouses and parents. On the other hand there are some people who are not. Being a mother was not part of my plans; however, if it had happened I would not be depressed over it and would have done my best to try to bring up the child into an independent individual. There is just so much more to life that all these labels and norms that society places on us.

Live and let live. That is my motto.

Written June 19, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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Pollyanna? Me?

People say things without really knowing the meaning behind the words they choose to blurt out. And if I have learned anything along these 50 years, one thing that I have learned ( the hard way) is that not everyone says a word meaning the same as the one who listens. Words mean different things to different people. Loads of misunderstandings happen because of this.

Anyhow, I have just finished reading Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter. The reason why I started to read it is because someone at worked let out a “You´re so Pollyanna” at me the other day so I decided to read it to see what it meant to be Pollyanna.

Pollyanna tells the story of a young girl who comes from a Christian family and a rough childhood. She loses her parents at an early age and has to go live with a mean aunt. In a nutshell, she ends up making the whole town change their ways and look at life in a more positive way. Until in the end she is put to the test and all her hard work with the people in the town has paid off.

Now, am I so Pollyanna? Well, to be honest I thought she was a bore. So perhaps I am a bore. Maybe it would be wise to make a list here of her characteristics and then match them to mine.

1.      She comes from a Christian family. I don´t. I come from a Catholic family.

2.      She lost her parents at an early age. I didn´t. Mom is still alive and dad passed away this past February at 76.

3.      She tries to see positive things in negative situations. I do that some times.

4.      She cannot see the negative side of a situation. I can.

5.      She loves everyone she meets and tries to help each one of them. I don´t.

6.      (spoiler alert) She stops walking and is bedridden and then has a really hard time finding something positive in that. Same thing happened to me but I was able to accept the condition faster than her. And after hard work, faith and willpower, I regained my strength and was able to walk again.

7.      She is loved by the people around her and she transforms their lives. Some people say that I am an inspiration. But I know that not everyone is pleased with my presence.

          To conclude, I guess that I can be somewhat of a Pollyanna. I would just like to remember who said it to me so I can check with them what they meant by it.

(By the way, I have started reading Pollyanna Grows Up. Let´s see if I can still see myself in this character.)Written June 26, 2017

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Being Sick....

No one really enjoys being sick even though staying home from work or school from time to time is relaxing. There are so many things to keep you entertained: TV, the internet, video games, books, social networks, are just a few. You can even catch up on work that needs to be handed in at work or school and a sick day gives you that chance.

 However, staying home because you have to and not being able to leave your bed, because the whole body feels as if it has been run over by a sixteen wheeler, feels like a prison. Pretty much the only thing you can really do is sleep.

It is such a horrible feeling for what was meant to help you relax and enjoy, you suffer the physical and mental pain that comes with the illness. Mental pain being the worry that you have so much so do at work and you do not have the strength to.

People send you get better soon wishes, which help warm your heart, but it becomes a torture because you really want to get better soon and you do everything you can to do so, to no avail.

In the meantime, you drink all the tea you can and sleep as much as you can and look forward to better days.

Written: May 22,2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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13 Reasons Why

Recently I watched the TV show based on the book written by Jay Asher with the same title Thirteen Reasons Why and posted on one of my social media pages that I think teens in high school, high school teachers, and parents to teenagers should watch it. Apparently there are people who do not seem to understand why I did so.

For one, you must watch it to be able to talk about it. I do think it is intense, depressing and dramatic. However, on the other hand it is sending out several messages. (spoiler alert here) Not only does it touch upon the subject of suicide, but it also talks about bullying, rape, drugs, alcohol, school, parents and how difficult it is to be a teenager. I believe that it opens up a door for people to discuss these themes.

As we become adults we tend to forget how difficult our teenage years were. I do realize that it is not like this for everyone and that teenage years can be golden. However, there is so much happening that we have to deal with and there are some out there that find it very hard to cope with all the changes in their bodies and in their lives.

As a former teenager, I really wish I had some one back in those times to tell me that: IT WILL GET BETTER. Lucky for me, I had a really close friend who saw what I was going through and also a father who realized it and helped me the best they could. But everything was kept locked up inside and these taboos were unspeakable until I became of age and started to see a shrink.

Teens need space in their schools, homes and relationships to be able to talk about what they are feeling and what is happening to them without being judged and without fear.

Teens need to know that they can count on former teens (the adults in their lives) to open up to, to pour out their hearts, to come to for comfort and to be directed to professional help if that is the case. And also be alerted that there is professional help available; be it a doctor, a shrink, a lawyer and counselor.

People are humans who commit mistakes. No one is to blame for what happens. I believe the idea of the show is to send out this message: put yourself in some one´s shoes before you act and pay attention to what is going on to others. People deal with hard issues all the time. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that whatever it is that you are going through: it will pass.

Written April 13, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

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Happy One Year

One year

So much joy

So many tears.

Still can´t walk.

Still can´t talk.

Does she need to?

Not really for everyone understands her language.

One year

Got to meet grandpa

Got to sit in his lap

Got to be rocked to sleep

When she arrives in grandpa´s favorite room, she looks for him

But there is only gloom and she frowns.

One year

We celebrate life;

We celebrate health.

She brings happiness and joy into our lives;

Each and every day with her toothless smile;

It just melts our hearts.

One year!

May there be many more and may this list grow longer.

One year!

Written: March 27, 2017 For my niece Ana Clara who has just turned one on this very day.

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Breakfast in Bed

You wake up not knowing whether it is Saturday, Sunday or Monday. It seems like it is really early and the effects of your sleeping pills still haven’t worn off. When you realize where you are, you get up and decide to have breakfast in bed. It seems like something special because, after all, you have been sick all week; so, naturally breakfast in bed seems like a good way to celebrate the recovery.

 You get to the kitchen stumbling on the cats, make a small breakfast of toast and coffee and return to bed. You don’t take the tray because all you are carrying is a cup of coffee and milk and a plate with some toast.

You sit, make yourself comfortable, and put the plate on your lap and the coffee mug on the night stand beside your bed. But then again, you think of the cats that can jump and knock over the mug. Therefore, you place the coffee mug near your legs and leaning on them so as to keep it in place. All of a sudden you spill the hot cup of coffee and milk and try as fast as you can to clean it up. Two layers of bed sheets and a spread later you see the huge stain on the mattress. You run to get the cleaning products; wash; scrub; wash; scrub.

You do the best you can but then you have a brilliant idea- use the hairdryer to dry it. No, bad idea. Ten minutes later the dryer stops working.

Ok stop everything look out the window and be grateful you didn't burn your leg although now you have to do laundry and get the hairdryer fixed.

When you look out the window you see this beautiful sky (see picture below) and it all makes sense. It all happened for several reasons but one of them was for you to stop and look out the window. Many lessons can be learned from this episode, but I will just list three.

1.    A naturally born clumsy person should not eat breakfast in bed without using the tray to keep everything neat and safe.

2.    If you were bedridden all week, the best thing to do is go out for breakfast and not have breakfast in bed.

3.    Hairdryers are to dry hair and not mattresses.

Happy Saturday everyone!

Written: March 25, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

Photo taken by Meire Marion from  bedroom window on March 25, 2017

The Power of Prayer

7“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Matthew 7.7

If you google the title of this post, you will find several blogs and articles with the same title. Could it be a coincidence? Are people less creative nowadays?  The need to share God’s work is growing, therefore, people use this title to tell the reader that that is what they are going to talk about: God’s work through prayer.

 In Matthew 7. 7/8  7“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. The word of God tells us to pray and we will get what we ask for. You can be sure that God is listening and answering each and every prayer. The answers are always for our best. Even though sometimes the answer might be no. God gives you what is best for you. His plans are greater than ours. We weep when a relationship is over, we think that we are being punished for something, but God is good all the time. Like a true parent he tells us what is good for us and takes away what is bad. Although we are not aware of this.

My prayers are answered. I know that sometimes I get upset and do not understand what God’s plans are. In the end, I think it is ok because I am not God. If I were, then I would understand the reason why people die, why little children suffer in broken homes, why the disease of the century is cancer, why there is poverty, why there is suffering, and so on.

One thing I have learned throughout these years is that my prayers are answered. I always pray “Thy will be done” . Thy is God not me, therefore, when something happens it is part of His plans and not mine.

The readers here have followed the last few years of my dad. I have written some stories about his disease and his passing (I am grateful for all those who have read them). Every day I prayed for my dad not to suffer and that God would do what was best for my dad and not for me. I truly believe that the best for my dad was to pass away and go back into God’s arms. Some of you might think: this is crazy, who wants their loved ones to die? I did not want my dad to die; I just wanted what was best for him. And to see him suffer was way too painful.

Speaking of dad, I spent most of my time taking care of him and making sure he had a comfortable life until his passing. However, I have my own health issues that I need to deal with. Nonetheless, to take care of dad was a pleasure so my health issues were set aside into a pause mode, which I call grace; God’s grace, giving me the energy and the power to dedicate my life to that man who gave up so much for me: my dad. Nonetheless, deep down inside I knew that my health issues would catch up with me eventually when I had no one to care for anymore. It took a while but it has finally hit me.

I have been feeling under the weather and in great pain since Saturday. My doctors always ask me to grade the pain from 0 to 10, which sometimes I find silly because some people can stand pain greater than others so my 3 is for sure different from others. Anyhow, yesterday I went to the hospital and when asked to grade my pain I said 12. Mind you, I can tolerate pain, when you see me smiling and going on with my daily routine, I am in pain. I feel pain 24/7 but as I said, I can tolerate pain through grace. The nurse laughed at my answer but the doctor was worried, therefore, we decided to use a strong pain killer. Pain subsided and I went home; lab tests were clear, therefore it was my mysterious bone marrow disease acting up (a long story that has been mentioned in former posts).

Later on during the day, the grade 12 pain returned with all its fury. Let’s hit it with morphine, said my neurologist through the phone. Sadness hits you and all the side effects that the drug can cause come to mind, but the body is throbbing in pain and you think `what the heck, just take it.`

Before this though, a friend came over and after a long talk we prayed. We prayed for help. We did not pray for a cure because I have been cured and this I know. How do I know? Because God does not do things badly done; He does them perfectly. Meaning that even though I am in pain all the time, I can walk and my body works despite the fact that my doctors do not know how. According to medical books, I was not supposed to walk again. Once again, prayer, thy will be done. In short, I woke up feeling less pain and was able to get a good night’s sleep and even had a great dream ( I will write about it in another post).

So, to conclude, pray. It is simple. You can pray anywhere and anytime. Believe in your prayer and be grateful for the answer that you get. Remember, whatever the answer may be, it is for your best.

(Written: March 22,2017 )

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A Month Has Gone By

A month has gone by, but in reality it seems like years. One month since the passing. I could never imagine it would be so hard. Miss dad so much!
No more smiles, no more laughs, no more being informed about the local and international news, no more jokes, no more hugs, no more "I love yous", no more teachings, no more scoldings. All these things I miss when I think about my DAD. Heaven is the right place for him. I realize that time is a healer and one day we will meet again. But for now immense SAUDADES. ( There isn't a better word to describe what I feel.) 

Written: March 12, 2017 Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion

Photo: Meire Marion : DAD