As the anniversary of my dad's passing approaches (anniversary,
sounds like you are supposed to be throwing a party) I keep imagining what it
would be like if he were still around during these Covid-19 times. Straightforwardly,
I don't think he would have survived
because he suffered from emphysema and he would probably have suffered much
more than he did before he passed away- not that he didn’t suffer a lot from
his lung cancer. I remember how much he did, however, the whole family was
there with him while he took his final breath which probably comforted him, to
some extent.
I keep thinking about my friends who have lost their
dads recently to Covid-19. I know that one of them was able to hear her father
say I love you for the last time and she was able to say I love you
too , but I don't think the other friend had the same opportunity. (Covid-19
patients are separated from their family members. Isolated. When death comes a
knockin’, there is not enough time to get there, it is too dangerous for the
family members to be there, or just one member can be there.) Dark times we are
living.
Losing a parent, in these cases three father-daughter
relationships, brings on great pain. When a loved one departs, people always
say that they know how you feel, and that time will heal the pain. To be honest,
I don't agree with the latter. It reminds me of a quote by Rose Kennedy who said:
“It has been said that ‘time heals all wounds’ I do not agree. The wounds remain.
In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and
the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” I don't think that time cures the pain
it just creates a scab on top of the wound which is removed and bleeds a bit whenever
you remember him; every day you think about him. For sure, it does lessen the
pain and all you have are fond memories of words that were said; events that
were shared and hugs that were given. (All of this terribly missed.) The firsts
are the worst; the first birthday that he doesn't call you to wish you all the
best ; the first Father's Day when everybody's celebrating but you don't have why
to ; the first Christmas and New Year´s and so many other occasions . Not that
the seconds or the thirds are any better, but you tend to get used to it. I still think of dad every day. I still talk
to him sometimes. But then again, I know
he's at peace. Like he always said, “we all have to go one day”.
I hope that my friends will find comfort as time goes by.
Written: February 11, 2021
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