I’m All Ears or Am I?

Nowadays people run around like madmen to get their tasks done. Rarely do people just sit around doing nothing and when they do, they feel guilty about it. People do not even have time to listen to other people. Take our greeting: How are you? We are satisfied with a fine or ok yet if there is a pretty good, we get butterflies because it means that there is a problem and the person wants to talk about it, but we don’t really care, do we? We have too much to do and no time to listen. So when we ask how the person is we kind of pray that they will answer “Fine, just fine.”

In fact the simple act of listening is an ability that is getting harder and harder to do well. There are people that look at you in the eye while you are talking but they are actually eavesdropping in on the conversation going on around them. Not to mention that you sometimes haven’t even finished a sentence and the supposed listener is already giving you an opinion. This is the point where lots of confusion and misunderstanding takes place.

There are others that pretend that they are listening. They sit there look you in the eyes even nod once in a while to let you know that they are keeping up with the story that is being told. However, all of a sudden they say something that has nothing to do with what was being told. This person was elsewhere, somewhere in their minds, perhaps even thinking about the next task that they have to do.

Nowadays we even have smart phones to help a person not listen. While a person is talking, the other one is looking down and checking their smart phones and they even have the audacity to say: go ahead I’m listening.

Perhaps listening skills should be taught in school.  With the way people behave nowadays, many would flunk the course. It may sound like a weird idea, however, listening skills are taught in foreign language courses. It could be adapted to regular every day listening.

The lessons that would be taught over and over again are simple:

•     Look at the person talking (keep eye contact).
•     Listen and do not interrupt or move around (let yourself finish listening before you begin to     speak).
•     Nod or say yes to show that you understand (this also includes smiling, laughing etc.)
•      Ask a question to find out more (optional) or to check if you have understood.
•     Repeat what you have heard in your own words briefly (it helps the speaker know how much of what was said you have grasped).
•      Respect what the person is saying even if you don’t agree with it.

There are many benefits in being a good listener. Mainly it improves social skills. As Rachel Naomi Remen stated “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen.  Just listen.  Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.”

Give it a try. Perhaps the world will change for the better, at least a little bit.

( Rachel Naomi Remen  http://www.rachelremen.com/)

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(Written January 16, 2013)

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