Gratitude

Today I finally managed to put aside my morning laziness and go to the park for a walk. I am being unfair towards myself. It is not that I have been lazy; I have been feeling a lot of pain including working long hours and when I find the time to go for a walk it is dark outside. The sensation that came over me when I walked through the gate this morning is unexplainable.

Due to work, physical difficulties, the weather and the season, it had been over a month since I had gone to the park.  Anxiety grew as vacation got closer, not because of a trip or anything like that; just because I wanted to go for a walk in the park and fill my eyes and heart with the wonderful colors.

Despite the fact that it is winter now in Sao Paulo, the trees are green and there are Azaleas all around. Different shades of pink. Little did I know that there were flowers that bloomed in the winter. After a few hours of research, I discovered that the name Azalea comes from Greek which means dry. People like to name girls Azalea and there is a famous brand of shoes with the same name. Azaleas are so pretty on the bushes and also beautiful when on the ground after it has wilted.

I am truly grateful for the opportunity of being able to walk in this magical place near my home.

Photo by Meire Marion- Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo, Brasil 

Photo by Meire Marion -Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo, Brasil

Photo by Meire Marion- Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo, Brasil

 Photo by Meire Marion -Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo ,Brasil

Photo by Meire Marion- Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo Brasil

Photo by Meire Marion- Parque da Aclimacao ,Sao Paulo Brasil

(Written June 30, 2013)
copyright ©2013 - Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

Aging

Nobody wants to live forever. Or do they? We all know that sooner or later our lives on this planet will end. Later than sooner is what everyone wishes for. What is in a number? What does it mean to be 10, 20, 30, 99 etc.? How are we supposed to behave and feel like at each age? How do we know we are old; from our experiences; by looking in the mirror; when we die?

When a young person dies we always hear people saying that he had his whole life ahead of him and when an older person passes, like in his 90s, we hear people say that he had lived long enough. Guess that just the fact of dying scares people and this is the way that they want to comfort others or even comfort themselves. I believe that people who pass away are prepared for it unlike those who they leave behind.

To me what is tragic about life is the process of aging. Mind you, not for the person who is in the process, but for those watching. Take my mom for instance, it is very hard for me to see that she has been doing things that she would not normally have done when she was younger. Like, the other day she put some food to reheat in the oven. It sounds normal, right? Yes, but the problem was that she put the food in the serving bowl which was made of plastic. That turned out to be a fiasco because not only did it melt the bowl but also ruin the food. She couldn´t understand what she had done wrong and we couldn´t believe she had done that.

Another incident that took place was that we (the whole family) were all at a party and one of my sisters was going to get some cake and asked my mom if she´s like a piece. Mom kept on repeating what and we kept saying louder and louder cake. She´d say what and we´d answer cake until finally I got real close to her and asked her if she´s like a piece of cake. She said no and then said that she couldn´t see from her left eye. We laughed and rolled our eyes. What did that have to do with the scene?  I kind of felt bad afterwards because I guess she wanted to tell us about her eye but she said no to the cake and then added the eye information. But what was clear was her loss in hearing.

It is hard to see that a person who used to be very active in conversations and events is quiet due to the fact that she doesn´t know what is going on or can´t understand what is going on. Sometimes I think that she has just given up and is excluding herself from life itself. But then again, I do not accept this because she is only 70 and in my opinion still young. However, to her she is just an old lady doing overtime.

Everyone will eventually grow old; some in good health and others with difficulties. One has to learn to take advantage of each age.

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(Written June 25, 2013)
copyright ©2013 - Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

Sisters

                                 ~~~~~~~~~~ For Miriam and Melissa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sisters, competitors, each one wants their parents’ attention and they do everything they can to obtain it. I should know; I have two of them. I am the oldest. My middle sister is a year and nine months younger than me and the little sister    (she will always be my little sister although she is much taller than I am) is twelve years younger than me. When she was born, I used to take care of her while my mom was at work and my dad slept for he worked the night shift, so to me she was my live doll (my little daughter), whom I protected, fed as well as dressed.

My middle sister and I always had our quarrels; we were, after all, competing for mom´s attention. Being the oldest was not an easy task as I was growing up additionally my middle sister was a tough cookie who loved seeing me get into trouble because I had to be the example. Most of the times, I would always be breaking up the fights between the two of them. I had to otherwise I would be the one who would be punished just because I was the oldest which included being responsible for them.

Having been the baby in the family for ten years, giving up that position was very hard on my middle sister. I was daddy´s little girl and she was mommy´s favorite, however, when the little one came along everyone fell in love with her and she was the one on a pedestal; the middle sister couldn´t handle that too well.

Many funny events (in both senses of the word funny) happened while we were growing up. Ever since I was five I have always known that I wanted to be a teacher. Like most little girls with this wish, I used to teach my stuffed animals and dolls. Not only did I teach them, but I also taught my middle sister. I used to come home from school every day when in the first grade and teach her what I had learned on that day. Being very bright, she soaked it all in and when she was in the first grade, she knew everything that was on the curricula. The teachers thought she was a genius therefore, moved her up to the second grade together in the same class as me. Just because of that she received loads of praise, which made me feel jealous and think up a plan. I wanted my friends to be mine only, I didn´t want to share my world with her at that point. She was always more popular than I was. So, there was only one thing I could do; stop teaching her. My plan worked out and she ended up flunking the second grade while I moved on to the third. I am a nerd. I really like to study. Her, on the other hand, didn´t spend too much time neither energy on studying and managed to get passing grades; whereas, I would spend hours studying and reading.

Don´t get me wrong, I loved my sister (and still do) despite being jealous and thinking that my being responsible for her actions was totally unfair. The love between us was so great (although we didn´t show it too often) that when we were kids we used to share the same bed and I used to hold on to her night gown and she would hold on to mine just in case in the middle of the night a witch or vampire would come and try to take one of us. By holding on to the nighty, we would wake up and save the person who was being abducted. I remember once when I woke up and she was gone. I screamed so loud that mom and dad ran into our room. Little did we know, she was sleeping under the bed. Guess, that holding on to the nighty wouldn´t have worked after all. I was happy that she was found but I still pinched her for having done that and we ended up fighting resulting in no TV for a week for me.

Another episode that happened (which until today we laugh about and reinforces her idea that I am a witch) was when she was making funny noises with her nose and I was trying to sleep. After the tenth time she had made the noise I turned around, looked her in the eyes and said “You do that one more time, the vein in your nose is going to burst and mom and dad will have to take you to the hospital and they are going to stick things up your nose there.” I was really angry. I gave my back to her; she did make the noise and then started screaming. It really happened. The vein burst, blood gushed out of her nose and she was rushed to the hospital. I felt so guilty and thought that God was going to punish me. (I was brought up in a very catholic way and believed that God would punish me for these and other things.) But no, my mom punished me: no playing outside for a week.

Mom used to make chore lists for us and we had to do what was written no ands or buts. I didn’t mind it as much as my middle sister did. I loved it when I was scheduled to wash up the bathroom or the kitchen because then I could play with water. There was one day that I had cleaned up the kitchen and mom was coming home in a half hour or so, I went to my room to study but then got hungry, so I went back into the kitchen and was horrified with what I saw. There was rice, coffee, and flour all over the counter and the floor. I couldn´t believe it. My middle sister had done that. I looked at the clock, grabbed the vacuum cleaner and put what I could back in the containers where they belonged. I managed to clean the kitchen up just in time; mom came in the door and said: “The kitchen looks great.” I did not eat rice until the next trip to the supermarket. At dinner I told my mom that I was on a diet. I guess that being overweight was an advantage in this situation. But my sister was skinny and she was forced to eat the rice. Her plan to get me in trouble had backfired; she had to eat the dirty rice.

There were many things that happened during these ten years without the youngest sister. However, when she was born lots of things changed.

The competition between me and the middle sister seemed to settle down or at least not be as visible. Nonetheless, the war between the middle and the little sister grew and I took sides. I was always sticking up for the little one.

When the little one was around three, we moved back to Brazil. Then I had a bedroom all to myself. However, I was afraid of what could happen between the other two who had to share a room; at least they had separate beds. Still, I could hear them fight from my room and always had to make them stop before mom or dad showed up because that would mean, I would get punished.

Before moving into our new house, we all shared a room at my grandmother´s house. It was kind of fun. We slept on mattresses, but on the floor and all in the same room. Dad said that those days were dreadful considering that we all talked in our sleep and fought all night long. Later on, the little sister started sleep walking, which freaked out the middle sister. One night the middle sister woke up and the little sister was hovering over her face with the evilest look on her face. She screamed and woke everybody up, except the sleepwalker. I just laughed.

There was a time in our teenage years that we wanted a pet. I wanted a dog and the middle sister wanted a cat. (Nowadays the tastes have inverted; she prefers dogs and I love cats.)One day we went to a nearby neighborhood and as I walked by a pet shop I saw a Pekingese puppy. It was love at first sight. Mom bought it making me promise that I would take care of it and clean up after it. I named it Honey. My middle sister wanted a cat and managed to get one from a cousin who had found a litter near her house. The cat was so full of fleas that my middle sister gave it three baths. Now the tiny creature was found stiff the next morning under her bed. When she did the same thing to the second one, mom decided that just a dog in the house was enough. My poor sister, she didn´t know any better.

Apart from everything that happened between us we have grown into beautiful and strong women. The middle sister got married and had two lovely children, whom I am very proud of. The little sister has the most adorable boy who is my Godchild. Despite our differences, there is respect and love.

If I had to go back again and do it all over again, I wouldn´t change anything, not even a slight bit.

January 2013 Miriam, Melissa and Me - The Sisters

Written June 26, 2013

copyright ©2013 - Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.

Life oh Life…

Bet that when you read the title you sang Des’ree´s song Life. It is only natural if you are acquainted with her music. Des’ree is a British R&B singer and she whose song You Gotta Be became top of the charts in the 90´s. It is still one of my all-time favorites and the lyrics deserve to be talked about. I am almost certain that it is playing in your mind.

This song gives you tips, though simple, on how to live life to its fullest.  It starts off by telling you to pay attention to how your day begins and the outcomes that come along with it. How many times do we not stop and smell the daises? In this rush-rush, bellybutton land we hardly notice signs or opportunities until you literally stumble on them.

She tells us to challenge what the future holds. Yes, how many of us worry about tomorrow and forget to live in the present? I myself do not worry about tomorrow anymore, but that is because I have been in a near death situation; when in that state you tend to let go of tomorrow and appreciate today and all that life has to offer. The future is a second from this point. I know it is a cliché, but the saying: when you come to the bridge you cross it fits so well in this case.

Keep your head up to the sky, she sings on, is one of the best way to keep away from depression. When we are sad we tend to look downwards and that (I have read it somewhere) causes the brain to believe that you are sad and it lets out the depression hormones, as I call it. When you walk around with your head up, the brain sends out the message that you are proud and feeling well and so the happy hormones rule.

The next couple of lines are about relationships and yes, lovers do cause you tears, but hey live out those feelings. It is ok to cry and speak you mind. Stand up and be counted is a powerful expression that she uses which tells you that you are unique, deserve respect and to be heard. There is nothing to fear. Take chances. Don´t let anyone walk on you, stand your ground!        

`You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All i know, all i know, love will save the day`        

As the chorus repeats over and over again like a mantra, you gotta be bad, bold, wiser, hard, tough, stronger, cool, calm and stay together. Love is the key to a satisfying, happy life. Love in small things and in everything. Love in a person´s gesture, words, nature… I could go on and on. But that would just make the reader tired. I am sure that you can come up with your own.  

Mother and Father the two most important people in our lives. Perhaps you have lost yours or do not know who they are, but there will always be that some one to fit the role. Not always is the person who gives birth to you considered your parent. Pay attention to what your greatest role models do and say. Imitate them in the good gestures and remember that they are humans too and you have free will to choose what you want to do. But take it from me, mom and dad always know best and sometimes we only notice that when they are gone.

Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time, here is where the bridge needs to be crossed and depending on the way that bridge was made you can run across it or really take it one step at a time.

Respect one another, some people maybe richer than you, poorer than you and have different points of view. Respect all the diversity in the world. Remember stay together, speak out but respect the other.

No questions are asked when it comes to time. The clock keeps on ticking with or without you. Life marches on and it will leave you behind if you can´t walk along with it. I always think, if God wakes me up every morning, I go. It is called life. It is to be lived.

I guess that my favorite line in the whole song is the last one where Des´ree sings: The best part is danger staring you in the face. To me this means, let go of your fears. Do not live life to the point that in the end you will ask yourself WHAT IF. That is not a pretty place to be and perhaps it will be too late to do anything about.

So live life to the fullest. Tell people how you feel and how much you love them. Do not expect others to make you happy. Respect each other. Take time to listen whenever someone is speaking. Help others. Maybe a simple smile will transform a person´s day.

I once read a story about a father who had no time for his family. The way he showed them his love was by working hard and bringing in the material goods that the family needed to survive. However, he had no time for his son; his one and only son. One day he decides to go home earlier because there was a power shortage at the company and it would only be fixed the next day. When he got home, he saw his son on the couch sobbing. He immediately went over and hugged his son and said I love you. It can´t be that bad and it shall pass. Shocked the son dried his eyes and asked his dad why he was home. The father told him the whole story. The son got down on his knees and said `Thanks God´. The father could not understand what was going on. They were religious but he did not realize that his teenage son was that devoted. He asked his son what was going on and the truth revealed was astonishing. The son said that he had written a suicide letter because he was planning on killing himself that evening because it had been days since he had seen his father. He was in need of his father but the son believed that his father hated him that was the reason why he was always at work and never at home. He had bought a gun from one of the kids from the block and was going to kill himself. But he was also religious and he prayed to God to ask for forgiveness, because he knew that one taking his life was unpleasing to God. Therefore, he was on his knees to Thank God for answering his prayers. The father got on his knees and as he sobbed he also Thanked God for this new opportunity.

So, smile and appreciate what life offers you, be it good or bad. There is always something to be learned.

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(Written June 24, 2013)
copyright ©2013 - Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.