“You have lung cancer. I need more lab tests to see
which drug I can give you during your chemotherapy. But we´ll get through this…bla
bla bla bla.”
The doctor just rambles on while your brain has
stopped at the YOU HAVE LUNG CANCER part of his speech.
No warnings.
No smile.
No beating around the bush.
Right smack out in your face.
It is the same as hearing you are going to die. Fear
races up to your brain and an alarm goes off. `I am going to die.´ And that
rings so loud in your head that you lose all senses. A big great hole opens up
under your feet. (In fact, hiding in a hole is not such a bad idea at this
point.)
Realizing that you are still in the doctor´s office,
you feel like getting up and running really far away. Far away from this thing
he just said that you had. Perhaps out run it and leave it behind as if through
speed you can separate your body from it.
Suddenly you are awakened by the words: "do you have
any questions?"
Do I have any questions? Do I have any questions? The real
question is: do you have the answers to my questions?
At this point, tons of questions are popping up in
your mind and the answers too.
A barrel of negative answers fill your head.
Will I
see my grandchildren get married? No!
Will the treatment cure this cancer? Who knows?
Will I be able to live without depending on others?
No!
Will I be able to stand all this information
bombarding my brain? No!
Of course, you are not alone; sitting beside you is a
loved one who is biting one´s lips not to burst into tears trying to get as
much information as possible to make sure the treatment will be well
administered.
“Ok, so as soon as your insurance liberates the
treatment, which will probably begin next year because it is almost Christmas
time, we will start the treatment.”
What?
Wait until next year?
What if I get worse?
What
if I die before the New Year bells ring? So many unanswered questions.
“Well, since there are no further questions, I will
see you in January. Happy holidays!”
Yeah, right. No further questions coming out of my
mouth, but so many of them popping up in my head.
“Happy Holidays to you too doctor. And maybe I will
see you next year.”
December 15, 2015
(I do not have lung cancer; just putting myself in some one's shoes)
(I do not have lung cancer; just putting myself in some one's shoes)
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