Thursday in the Park

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 Have you ever heard the song by Chicago Saturday in the Park? It is truly a great tune. It plays in my mind whenever I go to or drive by a park. I bet it started to play in your head as you read the first line of this text ( if you have ever heard it)

Going to the park for my 4k walk has been a real joy for the past 10 years. Ever since I was struck with the they-have-not-figured-it-out disease that I have, walking among the trees, birds and plants has been bliss. In the beginning I used to go almost every day. I started off with 1k, then 2k and finally 4k in an hour. ( Before the so-called disease, I was doing 6k)

Work and work and family issues in 2019 made me cut back on the days that I was able to go for that walk and breath of somewhat fresh air ( living in a polluted city does not help, but with the trees I can say that it is somewhat fresh) perhaps I wen ten times the whole year. I could also feel that my legs were hurting more, and my health was not as good as before.

2020- bang! Pandemic. Stay home. Going out for walks is good for you. I was thrilled. I would be able to go to the park for my daily walk and still work from home. But no! That did not happen. Parks closed. It just so happened that the number of people going to the parks tripled. Guess that people had the same idea as I did. The alternative would be to walk in place at home or walk around the apartment. No illusions here. It worked for the first two weeks. It is just so very boring despite being a necessity.

July 13, 2020 the day before I turned 54 ( the international Day of Rock) , the parks reopened. I was thrilled but scared at the same time. How was I going to leave my house for a walk in the park? I spoke to a friend and he said he would join me in the new adventure. We decided to go towards the end of the week so that the eager people could go in the beginning and this way we could guarantee that it would be emptier.

Leaving the house is never an easy task while the coronavirus is out there hunting its next victim. Wearing a mask is not easy either when you wear glasses, they tend to fog up after a few minutes. Nonetheless, I needed to overcome this challenge and go. I wore my most comfortable mask and went. On arrival, there was a guard at the only gate open (this park has 5 gates) to control the number of people. Another man taking people´s temperatures. And yet, still another man working the hand sanitizer gadget. I passed all the tests and met up with my friend who was waiting at the assigned location.

Being out of shape, we walked for an hour and only walked 3k. After the first kilometer, I had to remove my glasses due to the steam that was fogging them up. The part of the song Saturday in the Park that goes: People talking, really smiling / A man playing guitar/ Singing for us all did not happen. There was no man playing guitar. People were just walking or running. They were talking from a distance and you couldn´t tell whether or not they were really smiling due to the masks. However, you can tell if the person is smiling through the eyes. But with foggy glasses this is sometimes hard to see.

After having walked in the park, a feeling of accomplishment tingled my body. Being that I was outdoors, I decided to do my weekly shopping and drugstore run. It was a bitter-sweet feeling. It seems that this has been the best expression that I have used often during all this time of this physical distancing: BITTER – SWEET , to describe what has been going on inside of me.

To be honest, I can´t wait for this part of the song to happen again: People reaching, people touching/A real celebration/Waiting for us all. Then I can really sing the song. I ´ve been waiting such a long time, as the song goes, for Saturday. Parks are still closed on the weekend, though.

If you haven´t heard the song, do so and pay attention to the lyrics. 😊

Written: July 23, 2020

Photo: Meire Marion

Tell People You Care and Appreciate Them While They Are Still Among Us

This morning I woke up a bit gloomy for yesterday a brilliant man I knew passed away. In reality, he took his life. The melancholy was not because he had died, he will be missed of course, but more for the fact that after everyone had heard of his passing, people kept posting messages to him on his social media. The messages were directed to him. As I read the messages, it saddened me a lot. I started wondering why these people had not said these beautiful words of praise and appreciation to him while he was still among us. Now, it seems like it is a bit too late. He probably cannot access his IG or FB from wherever he may be.

Grief is painful, trust me, I now for a fact. I get that for some people leaving those messages is a way to relieve the sorrow that they are feeling at that moment. It is also a way for the family to realize what a great loss. Most of those people do not know that he decided the end of his journey on Earth on his own. I am not here to judge. I realize that life is a burden at times and people need to deal with their demons. Some are lucky enough to win the battle against their sadness while others take measures into their own hands. Perhaps suicide is something that should be talked about and discussed more than it is. It seems like if you talk about it, you will eventually get ideas and go through with it or if you bring up the subject, you are quickly told to change it.  I believe that the more you talk about it, the more you give people who are in need of help a chance to open up and get the assistance they need to overcome the storm, it is beneficial. Thinking about him, he always had a smile on his face and was more than ready to help others. His sadness was hiding behind that broad smile. Wouldn´t it be great if when we asked someone how they were, they could really tell us the truth? In addition to that, wouldn´t it be wonderful if we truly listened?

 Nowadays there is excessive pressure on us to be happy, be positive and smile. I am not an expert on the subject matter and choose to smile when I really want to breakdown and cry. Nonetheless, I do breakdown at times and do not give a hoot who is around. Feelings are made to be felt. You can smile if you feel like it. You can frown if you feel like it. You can laugh and you can cry. But, please, seek help when you are in need. Everything passes. When you are in a dark place, sooner or later the light will shine. However, if you need a helping hand, grab one.

Life is beautiful. Even in the darkest or hardest days there is always something to be grateful for. Let´s be there for people. Let´s take care of people.  And, please, tell people they are loved and appreciated while they are still alive.  

 

Written: July 22, 2020

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Day by Day

Four months have gone by or more, I think I have lost count, and some people are starting to freak out so much so that they think that all of this was just a hoax.  This fact saddens me.

Staying home is not a big problem for me. Every day there are things that I do that are the same and then I try to vary my activities.

I wake up at 6 AM to meditate live we said group of 15,000 people. It is an amazing feeling and the more I do it, the more I see how much I get out of it.

Afterwards, I get ready and go prepare my breakfast. I believe that this is my favorite meal of the day. I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee; the sound of eggs cooking and the sound of the toaster telling me to get the butter.

Sometimes I watch a bit of TV, mind you not the news, but a Netflix episode of one of my favorite series. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to run out of those. I have a friend who calls me the Netflix Queen. When I watch a series, I tend to watch one after the other like a marathon; so that I don't lose the idea or the main plot or forget the characters. After finishing a series, I usually give my brain some days to ponder and watch a movie here or there. The movies that are based on real facts are the ones that make me reach out for a tissue.  I do not check reviews; I usually choose it by the cover.

Every day there is the morning cleaning. The cats and I tend to shed a lot so that means either vacuuming, sweeping and mopping. Of course, there's always the food preparation; I love cooking and there are so many new recipes that I want to try but there's only one mouth in this house. I really need to watch my weight, so when I do leave the house, I will fit into my jeans. I do have a food blog in Portuguese where I reinvent or invent recipes that are gluten free and lactose free to fit my dietary necessities. However, there are days when I come up with a great dish but forget to jot down the quantity of the ingredients used.  

After lunch sometimes I do take a nap but other times I just read a book or watch a bit more of my series. I have been doing a lot of water coloring, also. I´ve tried to split up the day into sessions of reading, writing, water coloring and doing nothing – yeah, simply doing nothing.

I can't say that I haven't seen my family because my mother wasn't feeling too well so I went over to her house. I got to see her, my youngest sister, my little niece and nephew. I was so proud of them for knowing that there can be no hugging or kissing although that sensation and that action was just bursting at the seams. My 4-year-old niece even asked me if I knew when this coronavirus would go away so she could give me a hug. My heart melted quicker than an ice dream cone on a hot summer day. Soon, was my answer.

Here in some Paulo it seems like the virus has gone away. Most businesses have reopened, and people are taking more risks then they should. To each his own, I guess; however, it does sadden me to see how selfish some people can be. I do my part and hope it helps the greater good.

Perhaps I should mention that the parks have reopened just for walking and running; none of the exercise equipment can be used and at the gate there is usually a guard who controls the number of people that can attend the park. They also take your temperature and if everything's OK you go over to a machine which helps you sanitize your hands, most importantly, you should wear a mask at all times. I went one day last week to the park near my house. It was a bittersweet feeling. Sweet because I was going to one of my favorite places in the city and at this time of the year it is quite beautiful there with a lot of flowers in bloom, winter flowers of course. Bitter because I was leaving my home for a reason other than Going to the supermarket or the drug store. It was something pleasant. Nonetheless, I had a great time. I managed to notice how out of shape I am. Despite the fact that there are days when I do exercise, it’s not the same as leaving the house every day. I still disagree with my doctors who claim that housework doesn´t count as physical exercise. I sweat more doing housework than exercising.

Gradually my daily routine will change once again for now I am on vacation. Soon enough online classes will fit in to my day by day schedule.

Hang in there. Be safe. Respect yourself and others. Always look up. Keep the faith.

PS. I have not mentioned social medias and chatting with family and friends, but everyone knows that that happens daily too.

Written: July 21, 2020

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Nobody Saw This Coming

Being a teenager is not easy, let alone one who has given birth recently. Jane´s parents had died in a car accident when she was three and she had to be brought up by her maternal grandmother. When Jane got pregnant, she knew that it would change her life. She was only 15 when she had spent the night with a boy who do not want to date her but just have sex. From this one-time event she got pregnant.

The first person she told, of course, was him who denied that he was the father because taking her to bed was pretty easy. Sadly, she realized that insisting on talking to him would not help her at all, so she went home and decided to tell her grandmother that she was pregnant and wanted to terminate it. Her grandmother was more horrified at the abortion then actually her being pregnant at 15. Yes, she was only 15 and by the time she gave birth to this baby she would have turned 16. Her grandmother convinced her to keep the baby and that they would raise it together Because of her religious beliefs, the grandmother said that having an abortion was much worse than actually having the baby. Jane agreed.

Two months had gone by since Matthew was born. He was a cute and quiet baby compared to others in the neighborhood, however, Jane didn't really enjoy taking care of him and she blamed him for not allowing her to go out with her friends work to do whatever she fancied. He had deprived her of her freedom. It was all his fault she repeated like a mantra.  

One night she got an invitation to go to a party downtown. The person who invited her was her present boyfriend. He didn't mind that she had a baby, but he wanted her to spend some time with him without the baby around. Unfortunately, that night her grandmother said she had a special event at church and she wouldn't be able to stay home with little Mathew.

The following events nobody expected. Jane took the baby to her room after  the grandmother had left and decided that to free her from him. She would simulate an accident and end his life. First, she gave him some rubbing alcohol to drink and nothing happened. Then, she tried to choke him, but nothing happened. She threw him on the floor thinking that by hitting his head he would die, but that didn't happen.  She ran to the laundry room got a pail and filled it halfway with water then she took the baby and dumped his head in the pail until the bubbles stopped rising to the surface. At this exact minute her boyfriend arrived saw the horror that had happened. He immediately called the police.

At the police station she did not regret what she had done at all and she told the officers all the details that led to Matthew´s death. She was enraged that her boyfriend looked at her before she got into the police car and yelled that she was a monster and he wanted nothing to do with her.

Because of her age she did not go to prison and due to the coronavirus, she was not sent to the correctional center. She sent to an orphanage instead and there there was a little boy who was two months old and in her mind,  she saw Matthew. To her horror there he was alive and once again her freedom would be taken away from her, she had to get rid of him. When one of these attendants saw the anger and evilness in her eyes, she quickly grabbed the baby and took it to another room. The attendant told the police that Jane could not stay in that house because she was a threat to the other children. To no avail, since they were not putting kids or anybody in correctional homes or prisons because of the pandemic, they just locked Jane up in a room all by herself.

Poor, Matthew. May he rest in peace.

Written: July 15, 2020 (Based on true facts. The names used are fictional.)

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The First Party after Nine Months

Times had changed and as she drove her tiny car up the steep road wondering whether or not it would make it up to the top, she thought about the past months – 9 in all- where everyone was lockdown in their homes and now because a vaccine had been invented, people were able to go out and meet. However, these meetings were limited to ten people and these meeting places had to be reported to the governmental authorities, whom would show up at any moment to check up on the information. If the gathering had a person more all the members would be fined, and the host would have to show up in court once a month up to six months. She knew she could trust these people so without worries she but on her face mask, which matched her outfit, got in her car and turned on the GPS for directions.

With every meter the car went up, she imagined it doing flipflops back wards and rolling back down the hill. She had seen a few cars she recognized parked along the road, but there was no way she was going to hike up that hill. She was totally out of shape, who wasn´t? People stayed indoors for nine months. Many people had given up exercising, herself included. In the beginning, people thought that it would only be a few weeks spent indoors, but then with every governmental announcement events started piling up and deep down you knew that this was going to take a while to go back to normal. If normal was the place to go back to.

After a slow ride up the mountain, she managed to park behind a friend´s car. She did not know he would be there. It feared her how she would feel not being able to hug her friends whom she had not seen in person, only behind a screen, no touching, no handshaking, no sitting together. Definitely it was not going to be normal. She got out of the car trying to focus on each step to the door and was greeted at the door with a huge smile in her eyes by her dear friend who was hosting the party. Her smile was in her eyes because with a mask on it is very hard to tell whether there is a smile hiding or not. However, the eyes do not lie.

-I am so glad that you could make it.

-Likewise.

In the back of her mind was she really glad to be there kept knocking on her brain. She had stayed home for the nine months without physical contact with others, it scared her. Could she really trust the decisions that were being made by the governmental officials in this situation. Her body was not a spitting image of health and catching the virus would de devastating.

-      I brought a gluten-free dessert.

-      Oh, how sweet of you. It really wasn´t necessary.

-      I know but I guess it would make a good conversation piece.

What was she blurting out? A good conversation piece? All these people had been stuck in their homes for nine months and so much had changed in the world, and here she was thinking she needed a conversation piece.

Before being able to enter the house, she had to go through the sanitizing station, every home had one these days. It was like a small bathroom shower that had shower heads on the ceiling, on the floor and all around. It let out a small sprinkle of water from each shower head and in one minute you were sanitized from head to toe. All the homes had them. It was something that the government made everyone buy and install. If you lived in a building, it was in each garage because of the lack of space in the apartments. In the poor part of town, they had been installed in mobile trucks and people lined up to use them before going into their homes. These were measures to keep the people safe. Millions of people had died during these past nine months and no one wanted even more people to suffer by catching the virus. What a powerful virus. Mysterious and invisible but deadly.

Everyone said hello with a nod, words or by touching elbows. Even though everyone had gone through the body sanitizer, there were rules to be obeyed. No touching, no kissing, no handshaking. It felt so unreal. She longed for a hug no one knew but it was her birthday. Being confined to your home for so long makes you forget what day of the week it is or even day of the month. She spotted a comfortable chair in a safe distance and tried to enjoy herself.

Everyone had a story to tell about their social distancing time, or physical distancing time as she preferred to call it. For looking at the ten people there, she noticed that everyone gained some weight, looked more rested, and each and everyone had brought a dish that they specialized in making during the pandemic. It was kind of amusing, but we also knew some loved ones who had departed. Freaking virus.

Half hour into the event, the doorbell rang and a government official came to the door to check. It was a surreal setting. The official came in, went through the sanitizing station, asked each and everyone for their ID and then he realized a robot that quickly checked the house for other people. The whole operation lasted a few minutes. It made everyone uncomfortable. You were free to leave your residences and go to parties, but you were still a prisoner to the virus or the government.

After the official left, then the party really started. She had a splendid time. The laughed, talked, eyes welled up and even danced, of course keeping a safe distance from each other.

It was nearly time to go, when the host came out of the kitchen with a birthday cake and a few artificial candles lit on top. ( These candles you did not blow, they had a turn on and off button- safety first.)

-Happy birthday to you! – everyone sang.

With a grateful smile, they had remembered.

-Turn off the candles. – everyone laughed.

Ok, let´s have some cake. It´s gluten-free.

Written: July 15,2020

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...

Death is what she deliberates.

Shouts it out for everyone to hear.

Deep down inside, it is life that she desires.

So much pain.

So much hurt.

So much muddle.

Death is what she utters.

At night she cries to halt the angst.

Her heart hemorrhages for those who have departed.

So much heartbreak.

So much grief.

So much wretchedness.

Death is on her mind.

She doesn't know how much it pains her loved ones.

Baffled, their hands are tied.

They have no clue what to do.

Written: July 7, 2020

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