Goodbye 2020

             As I get ready to bid this year goodbye, I start to reflect about it. What a year! It was not an easy period for anyone. I feel for those who have lost a loved one – almost 200,000 just here in Brazil. I feel for those who caught the virus and battled their way through the pain and distress. I feel for those who have gotten sick due to depression, anxiety and other illnesses that this year is leaving them with due to the fear of catching covid-19.

Despite all this sadness and fear, 2020 did bring along lots of valuable lessons, some of which are that we are not in control. Life takes its course whether we agree with it or not. Money does not buy you health. It really does not matter how wealthy you may be, when it comes to a pandemic, your money will not buy you life. Hugs are so important. I have not hugged anyone since March (confession, my little sister hugged me today to wish me a happy new year. It was so spontaneous and from the heart and boy did it feel amazing! I needed it). Family and friends are important and those little get togethers like a cup of coffee at a coffeeshop are certainly missed.

We needed to learn how to live with ourselves and take better care of ourselves. We were forced to relearn how to be cleaner. Basic hygiene is number one for you to have a healthy life. I personally learned how to use my time wiser. If I felt like painting, I did. If a story came to my head, I wrote it down. If I felt like dancing, I did. If I felt like wearing pajamas all day long, I did. If I felt tired, I slept. If I felt like eating something, I cooked it. Nonetheless, I feel that I should have exercised more. I cannot forget Netflix and my computer. I was nominated the queen of Netflix by a dear friend. I watched so many series and it was one after the other, taking advantage of mt tv time – something I did not have time nor energy for prior to the pandemic. My computer was my work tool and mind you, teaching online was not an easy task and it was something that all teachers needed to learn overnight.  (My thank you goes out to all those who helped me in times of technological difficulties).

 I learned so many things this year that ends in a few hours. However, a very valuable lesson is to read people with masks on. I learned to see their smiles and frowns through their eyes. True feelings appeared in the looks that people gave me.

In short, 2020 was a year of learning. I am grateful that I have made it to here.

I hope that 2021 brings us mainly health and peace.

Happy New Year!

Written: December 31, 2020

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My Inner Tsunami

In chains filled with sorrow.

I could never imagine I'd be where I am today. Part of me wants to scream and run while the other part just does what is supposed to be done; sucking in the tears from the anger that builds up inside. Meanwhile, there is still another part that tries to keep the other parts intact. The anger within loathes the Zen half of me. My inner child is suffocated and being torn to pieces.

The 10-year-old keeps questioning, why me? Did I have a say in all of this? Did anyone ask me whether I'd be able to complete the task? Does anyone care that I have to carry my own cross which tortures me on a daily basis?

Once again, I am thrown in a pit. It's burning up inside of me teaching me lessons I did not sign up for. In chains and in sorrow. Every night crying myself to sleep, sleeping only a few hours deprived of my rest and peace which is taking a toll on my body and mental health. To deal with my inner demons, I need to fight off those of others as well. But at what cost? The stakes are high; higher than I want them to be.

Sleep, where have you gone to? You were here just a few minutes before the tsunami hit. The torment lasted one hour, then tears that just gushed out like the liquid that comes out of a fire extinguisher. My entire body trembles which means that tomorrow (if I ever get some sleep) there will be aches and discomfort.

Breathe! I keep telling myself.

Inhale!

Exhale!

Inhale!

Exhale!

But how if my nose is stuffed from the sobbing?

I can hardly breathe. How can I take deep breaths if the air is stuck in my throat?

Slowly I start to yawn. Guess Morpheus has found me. Gradually my eye lids begin to close. Sleep just took a wrong turn somewhere on this evening that the tsunami hit.

What scares me is that there's always the second wave!!!

Written: December 23, 2020

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Meet-the-author Event 2020

This year I was blessed with two events where I met up with 7^th graders and we chatted for 30 minutes in each class about my book CHARLIE THE FISH. It was an online event due to the pandemic. It was a truly amazing experience and it meant the world to me to see that these 12/13-year-olds appreciate the story and their interest in knowing about the writing process and me.

Some of the questions they asked were where I got my inspiration to write this story ,which camera I used to take the pictures ,why Charlie is such a nice fish ,why Stuart is so mean and if fish is my favorite pet among others .

It was a tremendously pleasant event where I felt very grateful for the honesty and curiosity of these students.

I am extremely grateful to the teacher who organized it and I'm sure that she prepared those students well in terms of what questions to ask and how to formulate those questions. I think that their English is very good being that at this school they start learning English in the 6th grade. Of course, I realize that some of these students are more advanced than others. Nonetheless, there were no moments of silence and awkwardness.

Some of the feedback that I got was that in the beginning this story is pretty easy to understand but then the vocabulary used gets a bit more challenging which they enjoyed. They also enjoyed the activities that I prepared to go along with the story, which I had emailed to the teacher when she wrote to me telling me that they would be reading my book.

I am looking forward to next year´s group 😊

 

Written: December 17, 2020

Photo: Meire Marion

Photo: Meire Marion

 

Class of 2020

 

Yesterday was an emotional evening. The Class of 2020 graduated. It was a different arrangement due to Covid-19. Unfortunately, only the students were present and family, friends, teachers and staff watched from their homes. However, if we take a look on the bright side, more people were able to share the moment. Luckily, I had already written my speech a few weeks prior to the event. Luckily because the closer the day arrives to say goodbye, the more the emotions build up inside.

I was fortunate to be one of the `tutores´of this class. ( ´Tutores´ were I teach are appointed teachers who help the students resolve issues that they may face throughout their high school years. We call the group `tutoria´and I was blessed with a pretty special group.)

I was so fortunate that when I was told that my video had to last 3 minutes max., it did (2:56 to be exact) and I did not need to make any changes. Well, to be completely honest, I recorded it several times because I would joke up during so many parts, in the end I did get teary-eyed.

Here is my speech.

Graduation speech - December 11, 2020

 

“Good evening class of 2020. Tonight, is a night of celebration. We have joined here to commemorate your achievements, your bravery, - you. I am very grateful to have been part of this journey, which started off rough and painful with the loss of our Dani. You were very brave dealing with your grief. It was the same year that I had lost my father. Together we faced this storm. Haruki Murakami, the Japanese author, (my future husband as I always say), wrote “and once the storm is over, you won´t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won´t even be sure whether the storm is really over, but one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won´t be the same person who walked in. That´s what the storm is about”. Yes, we have made it through the storm, with tears, respect and most of all love.

Maya Angelou, the American author, wrote: “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. Nothing can dim the light that shines from within”. My dear students, you can be sure that you were not defeated. Your light is shining brighter than ever. 2020 has been a tough year. Who could have imagined that we would be celebrating your achievements this way? I know you have dreamed of your graduation in the most traditional way. Though it might sadden you, think of the amazing stories you will be able to share with future generations about 2020, the year everyone stayed home. The year you had to change your habits. The year you were forced to look inwards. The year you needed to make an extra effort to focus on your studies. The year of uncertainty. Once again, you did it. 2020 has been a lesson about relationships, family, facing challenges and hope. Although it is still not over, this too shall pass.

My dear friends, I have learned much more from you than I have taught you, and for this I will always be grateful. You have so much to give to the world. As of this moment, you are heading towards new horizons. Exciting things lay ahead in the future. Now, it´s time for me to take a step back and let you shine. I hope your dreams make you smile even brighter and take you to the most special places your heart has ever known.

I will end my speech with a quote by Mark Twain, the American author, “Throw your bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Thank you”

 

Written: December 12, 2020 (Class of 2020, you will be missed.)

Photo: Meire Marion

Photo: Reinaldo

Photo: Meire Marion