My Inner Tsunami

In chains filled with sorrow.

I could never imagine I'd be where I am today. Part of me wants to scream and run while the other part just does what is supposed to be done; sucking in the tears from the anger that builds up inside. Meanwhile, there is still another part that tries to keep the other parts intact. The anger within loathes the Zen half of me. My inner child is suffocated and being torn to pieces.

The 10-year-old keeps questioning, why me? Did I have a say in all of this? Did anyone ask me whether I'd be able to complete the task? Does anyone care that I have to carry my own cross which tortures me on a daily basis?

Once again, I am thrown in a pit. It's burning up inside of me teaching me lessons I did not sign up for. In chains and in sorrow. Every night crying myself to sleep, sleeping only a few hours deprived of my rest and peace which is taking a toll on my body and mental health. To deal with my inner demons, I need to fight off those of others as well. But at what cost? The stakes are high; higher than I want them to be.

Sleep, where have you gone to? You were here just a few minutes before the tsunami hit. The torment lasted one hour, then tears that just gushed out like the liquid that comes out of a fire extinguisher. My entire body trembles which means that tomorrow (if I ever get some sleep) there will be aches and discomfort.

Breathe! I keep telling myself.

Inhale!

Exhale!

Inhale!

Exhale!

But how if my nose is stuffed from the sobbing?

I can hardly breathe. How can I take deep breaths if the air is stuck in my throat?

Slowly I start to yawn. Guess Morpheus has found me. Gradually my eye lids begin to close. Sleep just took a wrong turn somewhere on this evening that the tsunami hit.

What scares me is that there's always the second wave!!!

Written: December 23, 2020

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