Yet There was Grace

 

Although it had not been an easy nine months, the time had arrived when she would finally be able to make her dream come true- turn into a mother.

Whenever she played with dolls as a youngster, she would picture herself taking care of a real baby. One Christmas, she was given a doll that cried and said mama; it was the only toy she ever played with all day long. She slept with it; sat it by her at mealtimes; placed it on the couch when watching TV and tended to its every need as if it were real.

After these 9 months of tender-loving-care for her belly and the jewel within, she knew that any minute now her water would burst, and she would be rushed to the ER. Despite all the pain and suffering during the pandemic, she was grateful that her husband had been working from home. Because they weren't able to afford a place of their own, her parents gave them a suite in their immense apartment. Her mom and dad were also working from home so there would be no trouble getting her to the ER for her child's birth in case the husband had to run an errand.

She knew the baby´s gender but couldn´t decide on a name. She told her husband that she needed to see the babies face before making that decision. We all know the babies all look the same when they are born only their mom and dad can tell the difference. Perhaps, this is why she wanted to wait. Her husband did not want to contradict her, therefore, they would wait.

It was around noon when she felt her first contraction and as soon as she got up her water burst; the feeling of pain and happiness to over but calmly she walked over to her husband and told him that it was time. Suddenly he freaked out and all these questions were finding their paths to his mind. Was he ready to be a father? Was he ready to be responsible for two lives? No time to ponder on the questions, off to the hospital they went.

Push!

Push!

Breathe!

Pain!

Pain!

I can see the head.

One big push now!

After a 2 - hour battle the baby came out. Yes, it was not born; there was no cry. A stillborn whom she named Dove. That wasn't one of the names on her list, however, when she looked at him , fighting back the tears, he looked like a peaceful dove. Sadness filled the room.

Pandemic times, therefore, only her and her husband followed the little white coffin to its burial ground. They said a few words, prayed and comforted each other. As soon as she got home, she started researching about how long she would need to wait to try to make her dream come true, after all, she was in her mid-30s; her clock was ticking. Her husband told her they could wait and let the grieving pass. Instead of being thankful for that thought, she wasn’t, but clearly understood why he had said it; he was in his late 20s and for him there was no clock ticking.

A few months had gone by, and she was expecting again. Around the 7th month she started feeling contractions and this time her parents drove her to the ER along with her husband. An emergency C-section had to be done at once and sadly, once again the baby was lifeless. This one they named River. She was a big Billy Joel fan and the song River of Dreams played on her song list every day - she loved dancing to that tune.

While the doctors were closing her up, they noticed that there was still another fetus alive and kicking hidden behind one of her organs outside the uterus. They managed to put it inside her womb. She rejoiced and did everything in her power to protect her third child, she wanted it so bad.

When River was being buried, she stayed in the hospital but wrote some poetic words for her husband to read as the little white coffin went down in the same hole as its sister´s. It read:  Though I hadn't met you face to face; I felt your heartbeat from the moment you were created until the moment that you departed. This will never be erased. Until we meet again, my little River.

The strange thing about the baby she was carrying was that it had been conceived while she was expecting River while in her fifth month, so she had to be very careful during the next seven months for this fetus was only two months old. What a miracle!

When the time came to give birth, despite all the pain and trauma from the previous times, she was overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude. This time she knew her baby´s name. It would be named Grace. Her water broke and within an hour that beautiful sound of a baby crying filled the hospital room. Grace had arrived. Tears of joy rolled down her face as the mother held the tiny infant for the first time. She was filled with grace.

Written: June 17, 2021 (based on a dream from the previous night)

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