When death comes a knockin’ …

 

As the anniversary of my dad's passing approaches (anniversary, sounds like you are supposed to be throwing a party) I keep imagining what it would be like if he were still around during these Covid-19 times. Straightforwardly,  I don't think he would have survived because he suffered from emphysema and he would probably have suffered much more than he did before he passed away- not that he didn’t suffer a lot from his lung cancer. I remember how much he did, however, the whole family was there with him while he took his final breath which probably comforted him, to some extent.

I keep thinking about my friends who have lost their dads recently to Covid-19. I know that one of them was able to hear her father say I love you for the last time and she was able to say I love you too , but I don't think the other friend had the same opportunity. (Covid-19 patients are separated from their family members. Isolated. When death comes a knockin’, there is not enough time to get there, it is too dangerous for the family members to be there, or just one member can be there.) Dark times we are living.

Losing a parent, in these cases three father-daughter relationships, brings on great pain. When a loved one departs, people always say that they know how you feel, and that time will heal the pain. To be honest, I don't agree with the latter. It reminds me of a quote by Rose Kennedy who said: “It has been said that ‘time heals all wounds’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” I don't think that time cures the pain it just creates a scab on top of the wound which is removed and bleeds a bit whenever you remember him; every day you think about him. For sure, it does lessen the pain and all you have are fond memories of words that were said; events that were shared and hugs that were given. (All of this terribly missed.) The firsts are the worst; the first birthday that he doesn't call you to wish you all the best ; the first Father's Day when everybody's celebrating but you don't have why to ; the first Christmas and New Year´s and so many other occasions . Not that the seconds or the thirds are any better, but you tend to get used to it.  I still think of dad every day. I still talk to him sometimes.  But then again, I know he's at peace. Like he always said, “we all have to go one day”.

I hope that my friends will find comfort as time goes by.

 

Written: February 11, 2021

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My Summer Vacation

 

Another school year has started and when I wrote the title of this post, it reminded me of how many times I had to write an essay about the topic and of the many times I used to have my students do this when I used to teach lower levels. I realize that it must have been a tedious task for students to accomplish, however, for the teacher reading it, it was quite pleasant to see how the pupils spent their time away from school.

A better title for this post is perhaps: My Vacation During Pandemic Times. This would be a tricky one. I wonder how many people would be truthful and say that they didn´t stay home safe and sound. To each his own.

Anyhow, my vacation was exhilarating. I met some great people and met up with others whom I already knew and got to know them a bit better. I also visited so many different places in Brazil and abroad.

The first woman I met was Conceição Evaristo. She took me on a excursion through the alleys of the favelas in Rio de Janeiro. It was thrilling, sad and thought provoking all mumbled and jumbled in each backstreet that we visited. What am amazing woman with such a remarkable mind.

The next person was my all-time favorite person, Haruki Murakami who showed me throughout different cities of Japan how important women are in the lives of men. However, when he started his talk, I thought he was rather chauvinistic, totally the opposite. Just love him more and more.

After leaving Japan, I came across a monk named Marcelo Barros and a pastor named Henrique Vieira who were delighted to share the emails they exchanged at the beginning of the pandemic during the month of May with me. In each email, as they became closer friends, they discussed the issues we face in Brazil with the inequality and dishonorable government that we have now. In a nutshell, they talked about making the world a better place. It was inspirational.

Back on the road again, I met Scholastique Mukasonga, visited Rwanda twice. Here I need to confess that I had a few nightmares after seeing some of the horrors of the Rwanda genocide. Two trips weren´t enough. She has brought me two more trips to go on. So back to Rwanda I shall go. What a heart-rending and courageous woman.

Another Brazilian crossed my path, Jefferson Tenório, with him I travelled to Porto Alegre, Brazil and was shown just how racist people can be and some other issues in the Brazilian society. Some moments were tense, but I appreciated the knowledge.

To wrap up my final days off, I met a young girl named Lisa Jenn Bigelow, who took me to a rock camp in the Michigan woods where I witnessed the issues teenagers face. We tend to forget how rough it is to be a teen as we become adults. The music was amazing, too.

Most importantly, I got to know my mother better and we travelled to Portugal when she was a child and I also visited some family members who have already passed in various parts of Brazil and Portugal.

At the end of the day, my vacation was incredible.

Written: January 27, 2021 Stay home. Wear a mask. Be safe.

Photo: Meire Marion