Happy Vacation!

End of term, vacation ahead.
To all the students and colleagues at ESBSP, we did it.
It wasn't easy. Motivation and determination was necessary to make it work.
Congratulations to each and everyone of you for doing your part.
Today we will not have the traditional sausage roasting ceremony,  nonetheless, may your heart be filled with hope that soon this will be over and a new term will start.
During this vacation period :
May you take care of your mind, body, and soul.
May you reach out to family, friends and others and let them know you care.
May you learn to be grateful and appreciate the little things.
May you enjoy each and every day to the fullest.
Stay home. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Keep the faith. Spread love.
May you have a blessed vacation💜

Written: June 26, 2020

Photo: Meire Marion

Playing with Words

Slouch

Couch

Pouch

Drought

Ouch

Grouch

I feel like a slouch

Always sitting on my couch

Growing a belly pouch

Turning into a grouch

Whilst living through a drought

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Kind

Behind

Confined

Bind

Realigned

Tied

When trying to be kind

Sometimes left behind

Life is in a bind

Waiting to be realigned

For so many days confined

Nonetheless tied and blind.

Heart

Art

Apart

Depart

Smart

Restart

Broken is my heart

Crumbled into a million pieces like art

Feeling terrible and apart

From those souls who depart

Though not being careful might seem smart

Humanity is getting a chance to restart.

Written: June 23, 2020

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A Boring Sunday Afternoon

The car was parked at the local supermarket and inside Jenn was sobbing. She had managed to get away but didn't know where to go. She couldn't have gone to her mother's house otherwise he would have followed. He was, Gene, her husband. Not being able to go anywhere, she just sat there and phoned her older sister, Jean, to plead for help.

Between the sobs, Jenn managed to tell Jean what had happened. Apparently after the morning church service, she decided that it was time to leave Gene for good. It was no surprise to him because they had talked about it weeks before, so he was aware of the event. When Jenn arrived home to gather her clothes and some personal belongings, Gene managed to lock the doors and bar the windows. Jenn told Jean she panicked and froze for a few seconds. She was a prisoner in her own home. Somehow, she realized that she still had Gene´s car keys (Gene referred to the automobile as being his and not theirs) and that would give her a chance to escape through the garage door because those keys were on the keychain together with the car key. She had no time to take anything, got in the car and fled. Freedom seemed more important to her than her belongings.  Jenn drove as fast as she could and ended up in the lot at the local supermarket.

Jean told Jenn to stay put and that she would call one of the brothers to go rescue her. She called Jose´s house, their youngest brother; but who answered was the mother. Jean could not let her mother know what's going on otherwise the elderly woman might have an attack for her health was fragile. Handing the phone over to Jose, the older sister told him what he needed to do. She asked him not to mention anything to their mother, to go meet Jenn and accompany her to Gene´s house; that way he would make sure her husband let her take some clothes and her documents.

Worried but not in panic, Jose drove to the local supermarket and spotted his brother-in-law's car and his older sister inside in tears. She was in no conditions to drive so he took over the wheel without a word they drove to her home. He had left his car in the carpark and would come back later to get it. They drove silently. No questions asked.

The raging husband did not want his brother-in-law in the house. Calmly Jose told Gene that they had come in peace and he was there just to make sure that Jenn wouldn't be imprisoned once again. The husband felt offended and tried to attack the brother-in-law who grabbed his arm as he was about to be struck. Jose held his brother-in-law's arms and told him that it would not be wise to fight him because for sure he would lose. Jose was much stronger than Gene. Jose mentioned that if Gene didn´t allow Jenn to get her things, he would call the police.

Jenn rapidly gathered some pieces of clothing, her documents and her laptop; without a word or a glance, she walked out of that house with her mind set to never return. Jose accompanied her to her mother's house and she calmly told her mother that she was getting a divorce. It had been 10 years she had been suffering in a marriage that was not really a marriage. From day one she was aware that eventually it would not work out, nonetheless, she tried to make it work. With the pandemic, the situation one worsened. Gene was a kind man, but there was no passion, fire or drive to do anything, let alone make their relationship work out.

The mother was extremely worried for her daughter because she knew that her son-in-law would show up claiming his wife back. The mother feared what her youngest son what do in case that happened. She went to her room, took out her Bible and prayed furiously for the cause.

In the meantime, Gene had called Jean to tell her what had just happened, and she made believe that she was hearing that story for the very first time. She managed to convince him that it would not be wise to go over to her mother's house and drag Jenn back. She also reminded him that they had been talking about ending their relationship and marriage for a few years now. They had settled the issue and divorce was the best option. Gene agreed to what Jean had run by him, hung up the phone and broke down.

Who would imagine that on a boring Sunday afternoon all of this would have twisted the plot of their lives?

Written: June 18, 2020

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2020 lost?

This week has made me reflect on why people are so resistant two following a simple rule: stay home if you can.

Apparently, people are closing down their businesses due to financial situations, therefore; the government has decided that shops can reopen and malls too. However; there must be a control on how many people can be at the shop at the same time. It seems that no more than three at a time, which means lining up outside to wait to go inside.

This morning I saw a picture of one of the most popular shopping streets here in São Paulo and perhaps there were two or three shoppers in each shop at the same time, but the street was overcrowded with people. The two-meter distance was not being kept. The lines were so long that one shop line just mixed into the other. It doesn't make any sense to me why these people were risking their lives being there like a bunch of sardines in a can.

Judgment is not ours to be done, and for me, I'm not judging these people, I'm just trying to understand what makes the person go there now to shop. I understand the argument that if you can go to a drugstore or supermarket you can also go to a shop buy shoes or clothing or any other gadget that you may want. But is it a necessity?

I started to analyze the situation, for example, my favorite clothing store has been calling me up and sending me messages that they have reopened taking all the precautions. I can also schedule a visit because they´re having a sale of 75% or more on everything just to lure customers to the store. One day my favorite attendant called me and filled me in and what was happening. My answer was that I appreciated her call however I was not leaving my house. Besides, I really did not need any new clothes the purchase that I made before the pandemic still had the price tags on. Nonetheless, I do realize that they are in dire straits, but why would I buy something that I do not need at the moment?

Many people have been doing their best to recuperate their financial situation, for example, there have been some musical shows where you can buy tickets for or theater plays that you can buy tickets for and then watch it online. It's like going out and enjoying your time without leaving the house and also helping those who depend on an audience to go see what they do for a living, especially those behind stage who have no way of recording commercials; participating in talk shows or making money out of some product that's on the market.

However, if you're stuck at home, I mean, if you're safe at home, why go out if you do not need to?

Yesterday, the church that I go to announced that they will be having services again towards the end of June, however, they can only admit 30% of the church goers to attend the service. Therefore; you need to call and sign up for the service that you want. This church can only allow 142 people to attend at a time, so they have decided to have two services on Sunday morning. As soon as the 142 seats are taken, they will open the list of people who can attend the next service with a 15-minute break in between. Masks are a must. There will be hand sanitizers available also special rugs to clean your shoes and somebody taking people´s temperatures. Now, I kind of questioned the announcement because up until now we were having services online and perhaps more people were attending those services online then actually the people who go to the church. But my question was who was going to clean and sanitize the place in between services because those 15 minutes between one service and another will be for people to leave and to enter. I believe there's still going to be a crowd at the door.  I am afraid that the plan was not well thought out. Perhaps what they could do is have a service on Saturday too. That way those who like to attend the service can choose which day they would like to go to. Mind you, the pastor and his wife have caught the virus and they are not sure how, but I do have my suspicions because he has not been totally isolated in his house. I am just praying that he recovers.

So many things are going on at the same time and we are living in a new structure. We have been learning so much on how to give importance two small things and to the people that matter in our lives.

A student asked me if I thought this year had been cancelled or lost. My answer was simply no. Every year we learn new things and we go through different emotions and experiences and that is what is happening now, too. Perhaps the way of doing things have changed; some of them for the better; some of them not, but as the saying goes living and learning. We learn with our success and we learn with our failure, so now is the chance to learn and experience things that we have taken for granted.

Written: June 12, 2020

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Lack of consideration or stupidity?

               Three months have gone by and everyone is at home or at least those who can be at home are at home trying to work from their computers while in quarantine. Many people have to go to work to care for those who are battling against COVID-19, however there are some people working who I am questioning whether or not they should be.

               This morning around 8:00 AM you could hear a lot of banging from the apartment upstairs. At least I thought it was from the apartment upstairs and later on found out that it was like 10 floors above. The people there decided to have their floors redone. Aren't we supposed to be keeping distant from other people? Don't they realize that there are people working from home? Aren't they aware that there are kids studying from home?

               Sure, there's a lot of external noise coming in but when it is inside an apartment building it seems like it's 10 times worse than it really is. I feel sorry for those people who have to work under these conditions, who are risking their lives for vanity. What I mean by this is, these people do not have to redo their floors because there's a leak or a pipe burst, in short, an emergency. They are just having their floors done because they have decided to take a week off and go off somewhere in the countryside, therefore; leaving these men in their apartment to get the work done and not even caring about the other people in the building.

               2020 it's supposed to be a year of compassion, so I thought. The pandemic should teach you to look around you and start thinking about others who share the planet with you and not only look into your own little world not giving a hoot towards others.

               At the beginning of the year, there was a pipe that burst in one of the upper floors ruining all the apartments below, mine included. The building filed for the insurance money and last week it was granted. The Superintendent of my building called me up and said that he would be coming around with the workers to get the job done, which meant three ceilings and one wall. I was so offended at the request because I told him that I hadn't seen my family for three months and nobody was visiting or entering my home but me. He insisted that we take advantage of the time to get the job done or as he put it “to get it out of the way”. As I said nothing to his excuse, he added that if I decided to go on a trip, I could safely leave the men in my apartment working and they would get it done. Appalled, I returned the question to him asking him where I would be traveling to exactly since we were supposed to be home physically distancing ourselves from other people. He laughed nervously for he noticed my irritation and said that if I changed my mind just to get in touch. I asked him why the rush and he said there was none. But being that a lot of people were home it would be easier just to get the job done. I asked him to save my part of the money and when this was all over, I would give him a call.

               I'm starting to wonder if the noise that we hear in the building is from a neighbor who decided to get the job done.

     Still hoping that people will come out of this pandemic a wee bit better as humans.

Written: June 16, 2020

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Blue Monday

today I woke up feeling sad

being locked down for three months hasn't been that bad

I am not blue because of this

what has hit me is far from bliss

people think this is a joke

they don't wear their masks just to provoke

thousands of people are losing their lives

when I think about it I breakdown in hives

I guess today I woke up feeling fooled

Mainly by those who say they ruled

the rich are staying home to protect themselves

while the poor into work fearlessly delve

the Sky is blue and that's how I feel

I'm starting to question if this is all for real

I read post that someone wrote

who questioned not even choosing to go remote

I am home not just for my sake

but for those whose lives are at stake

I guess perhaps this is not making any sense

I am just using it for my defense

today I woke up feeling sad

for reasons that are making me mad

to feel the way I do

on this Monday morning blues

Written: June 8, 2020 ( I have decided not to use punctuation at all)

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Quarantine???

2:30 am the clock read as a loud noise awakened me. It wasn't thunder. It wasn't rain. It wasn´t my next-door neighbor arriving home at wee hours. It wasn't the neighbor downstairs screaming. It wasn't the neighbor upstairs throwing a party. It wasn't my cats digging in the sandbox. Certainly, it was too early for a bird to be chirping at my window. It wasn't anything that would usually disrupt my sleep.

It came from outside and it was loud. It took me a while to figure out what it was. Guess it was because I wasn´t fully awake. As I carefully listened, I realized that it wasn't just one sound but many different sounds. The ones that I was able to recognize were a jackhammer, a concrete mixer in addition to the loud voices of men at work, not on the streets but at the construction site next door.

Aren´t we supposed to be in quarantine to flatten the curve; not allow the virus to spread; protect ourselves and others; etc.? I am aware that there are people who cannot stay home and have to be out there risking their lives for us, to whom I am grateful. However, I'm starting to wonder that if making the men at the construction site next to my building work around the clock 24 is worth it.

My first guess would be that perhaps for the construction company it is because the sooner the buildings go up, the sooner they will be able to collect their money. Another guess would be that for the workers it is worthwhile because they are able to take home their pay so that their families will not starve during these dark times, besides keeping their jobs while so many have lost theirs. And I guess that for the people who are waiting to live there, the faster the building goes up the better.

Now, for people like me who are at home 24/7 and need their daily rest, I do not think it is worth it. Resting is an essential part of staying healthy. Couldn't they wait? I'm sure the construction company has enough money to keep paying their workers even though they're staying at home. I'm sure that the people who are paying for these apartments will continue paying because in the end, they have purchased them, unless they also lose their jobs, so, it´s not like they will be moving in anytime soon.

There are two sides to everything. Perhaps I'm being selfish in choosing one of them. Waking up in the middle of the night for me is no big deal because I know that after a few minutes, I just roll over and fall back asleep. But, unfortunately, that is not true with everyone. There are people who are worried about the outcome of this pandemic and are sleep deprived. There are those who take medication to sleep, if you have done this at one point or another, you know that if you wake up it is very hard to fall back asleep and it is not like you can just pop another pill. It's already bad enough to have all these noises playing during the day. It's pretty much a symphony that is there constantly without a break, but it seems like it's far, far away somewhere hidden in the city, which in the end you get used to. At night, however, the sounds are stronger. A jackhammer together with a cement mixer and a bunch of men yelling is not a beautiful tune to listen to and certainly does not rock you back to sleep. I am not even going to start on the strong lights that are used at the construction site.

I feel for the elders in my neighborhood, especially in my building. I, also, feel for the patients in the hospital nearby. Mind you, I realize that the number of workers at night are lower, but still… I am just grateful that they all get Sunday off.  

Written: June 3, 2020

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The Message Arrived

......For a dear friend....

Anxiety and immobility took over his body. It had been a week since he had last heard from the love of his life. In the turmoil of his mind many reasons why had arisen, of course, none of which were positive. ‘My love does not love me anymore. I am worthless. My heart has been torn into a million pieces. I was being used.’ Just a few of the thoughts that hammered in his mind while he sniffled.

As his heart wouldn’t cease to cause comfort; his mind filled with doubt, he called up some of his friends to vent and ask them to help him with the answers to his question of why he had not heard from this special person. He was looking to be consoled. However, the friends were not foreseers, therefore, they tried their best to help him calm down and try not to focus on the negative aspects but also on some real possibilities. For instance, something must have happened in the family; healthwise, jobwise, or because of having to stay home his future spouse felt lost and sad and in need of some alone time. His friends advised him to stop worrying and that eventually a message would arrive. Maybe not that very same day; perhaps not the next day, but eventually news would reach him whether it was good or bad. He thanked his friends and hung up in a deep sigh.

It so happened that this person in the story was a writer and with no contact from his heart holder, his inspiration to write had also left him dry. All the beautiful messages, stories and poems that came from his heart through the pen onto the paper had come from the image of the love of his life. How was he ever going to atone for not submitting his daily writing? Besides not being able to write, he was struggling with ordinary things. He felt withdrawn into the debts of his mixed emotions as he groped for meaning. He floundered not knowing what to do. |The clock was ticking.

Several days went by. He would pick up his cell phone and no messages. He would check his emails and no messages. He would type up a message, but he would not send it. He remembered that his friends had told him that there was a time for everything and now was the time for him to be patient and wait. He inhaled deeply and tried to compensate his tardiness at work.

On a bright Monday morning after feeling as if the relationship had been destroyed and his heart had shattered into a million pieces the special ringtone, which was a bell clanging, went off. His heart started beating so strongly that he thought it would jump out of his chest; his mind started filling up with words, and those little pieces were all being put back together. He had received the message he had been waiting for all these days. All the inspiration and love behind his words spilled onto the paper as if it had been there waiting for the ink. The sun was shining once again.

 Written: June 1, 2020

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