Death: it is not up to us to decide or is it?

On a rainy Saturday morning he lost the love of his life. It was supposed to be a luncheon with the girls down by the beach when all of a sudden part of the road fell and there was a landslide. She was driving and two of her girlfriends were in the car. Horror struck them as they saw all that mud and water come their way. She decided to get out of the car. Why she did that no one will never know. She was hit by a tree trunk and the current of mud took her downhill. Her girl friends stayed in the car. Perhaps she would have survived if she had just stayed behind the driver’s seat. Those were the thoughts that came to his mind when he had to go down to the morgue to identify the corpse. He didn’t want to do it, but there was no way out. Besides if he didn’t, who would?

All these thoughts ran through his mind as he sat on the ledge of the balcony on the 12^th floor. He was about to put an end to his misery. The love of his life had departed at such an early age. They had been together for ten years, seven as a married couple and had a six-year-old daughter. The image of his daughter came to mind too, but he knew that she’d be better off with her grandparents on her mother’s side, with whom she was already spending most of her time since his wife had passed away. He knew that she would suffer a bit, but kids know how to deal with death better than adults, so he thought. Ever since her mother had died, she would cry herself to sleep and pretend that everything was fine so her dad would cheer up a bit. Little did he know that she was faking it. Perhaps if he knew, he wouldn’t be sitting on the balcony ledge preparing to put an end to his misery.

As he swung his legs he had a moment of reflection as to what he was about to do. He was young. He could fall in love again. Maybe it wouldn’t be as strong as what he felt towards his deceased wife. But perhaps it would be stronger. However, he did not want to find out. He had his mind set in ending his life right then and there. Three months had gone by that the love of his life had been taken away from him. How could God have done that? Now, he was prepared to meet her wherever she was.

He took a deep breath and jumped. His life did not flash before his eyes as he was being pulled to the ground by gravity. He decided to open his eyes because his wife had died with her eyes open. She had seen what was coming towards her and so he wanted to see it too; death. However, all he saw was the clear blue water in the swimming pool coming closer and closer. He had miscalculated. He fell in the pool. He did not meet death; only many broken ribs and most of his teeth.

As he was lying in the hospital bed all he could think about was how stupid he had been to try to take away his own life. What a coward he was. How selfish to cause more pain onto his daughter. What an ungrateful human being. How could he think that he had the power to end his life? To him it was very clear now that it was not up to him, a mere mortal, to take away the gift that had been given to him: life.

 

Photo by Meire  Marion ( the view from the 8th floor balcony )

(written April 25, 2013)
copyright ©2013 - Todos os direitos reservados a Meire Marion.